in between

The biggest regret I may have as of this very moment is letting myself fall in love with you. As much as it pains me right now. I still have this involuntary response and need to be right next to you. It this how relationships go? But then again, I ask myself, am I just making this relationship workout between the two of us for our son? They say that children are supposed to strengthen marriage. But then again we never married. For one, who weren't ready to become a husband. Neither were you ready for fatherhood. I just loved this once. And I promised myself if this would come to an end anytime soon, I wouldn't engage in any relationship at all. Painful as it already is. I have given so much and expected just your respect. We are not young, as we were. You seem to haven't outgrown yourself. I have waited three years for you to realize the direction you wanted in your life. And we have been running in circles for the past year. Ever since we had a baby, you acted that way. Ever since my old body, and appearance was taken away from me due to pregnancy you acted like a teenage boy. May I remind you that you are not 17. I have kept telling you to please grow up. Its not like everyday I can cope up by your lifestyle which includes chasing girls everyday. Can't blame you for not feeling well loved. But your son deserves better and I'm not about to sit around and watch you ruin every dream that I have for him, just like that. The truth is I hate you but as much as I do I still care about you. I just don't know why I'm feeling this way. I just don't know why I can't force myself to leave you completely. At this point, I just want to be treated better. I just want to be respected. I just want to wake up and finally realize if I can still hold on, or just let go. Permanently.